Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
