The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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