it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
