I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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