just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
