i barfeds in our rink
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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