There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize