There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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