Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize