OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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