lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
