So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
