this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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