..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
