I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
