you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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