The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
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Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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