I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
