I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize