Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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