I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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