sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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