And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
