your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
