This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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