i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
