You can't special order awesome
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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