two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
there is glitter all over my balls
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