Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
