I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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