My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
