Need sex. Gaining weight.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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