Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
