jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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