I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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