I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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