They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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