Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
