No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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