You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
