I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
