everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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