watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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