..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
