i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
