nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
