He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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