Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
