So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
