u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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