Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
