the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize