Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
