I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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