remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
