Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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