I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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