Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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