Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
