Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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