at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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