My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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